This is the right way to wear a long necklace.  Simple, striking, understated, and of appropriate length. 

When wearing a long necklace, you need to make sure you don’t end up looking like a 1920’s flapper.

Instead of looking modern and stylish, this looks out-dated.

Like my granny when she was a teenager.

Put it this way, if you can jump-rope with the necklace, it’s too long!!!

Attention all lollipop-headed anorexic-looking fashion victims!

You look like gigantic bugs when you wear sunglasses like those pictured above.

I get that you’re trying to channel the timelessly elegant Jaqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis.

But it’s not working.

Eat a sandwich and then we’ll talk.

I hate seeing people walking around with the Bluetooth headset in their ear even when they’re not on the phone.

It’s not an earring, people. 

It’s not even remotely cute.

It’s purely functional.

The Bluetooth headset helps you talk on your phone while driving and avoid car wrecks.

But, wear one while you’re not driving/talking and you are a fashion wreck!!

Hi, her name is Lindsay Lohan.

And she has a problem.

No, not cocaine and alcohol problems.

No, not an eating disorder.

No, not a slew of lawsuits.

We’re talking about the important stuff here.

She wears way too many bracelets.

I hate it.  She looks like a zombie camp-counselor whose campers made her a billion bracelets so she had to wear them all to be nice to her campers.

Scary image.

I’d never let LiLo lead a troupe of children into the woods.

It’d be like “Troop Beverly Hills” gone horribly wrong.

NO! NO! NO!

I’m so bloody sick of the red belt.

Girls, red means STOP for a reason.

This look is so tired.  I remember seeing Paris Hilton getting arrested in her skinny red belt LAST FREAKING YEAR!!! 

I’m over it.

Anyone caught wearing a red belt from now on will be arrested by the fasion police.

The freshest way to cinch your waist is the way Beyonce’s been spotted on numerous occassions: rockin’ the feminine CORSET BELT!

Beyonce knows how to accentuate her womanly curves in a classy, modern way.

Take notes, red belt wearers, the corset belt is what’s hot now!

The formerly red-hot red belt has cooled off and fizzled away.

Get over it.

The days of miles-long acrylic and gel nails are long over.

Because short, neat nails with clear, pale pink or pale peach polish are the new now nails.

This is an instance of when necessity was the mother of this fashion invention.

Let’s be honest, unless you’re an out-of-work/school loser, and even then, it’s hard to avoid using your hands all the time.

Whether it’s typing on your laptop, what kind of a modern woman wants to be all dainty and flip out every time their uber-long nails get chipped or break?

If you do–then I’m pretty sure we can’t be friends!

Next time you get your mani, make sure your claws won’t get in the way of your life.

Nails should work with you–not dictate how you live your life!

Short nails are today’s sign of a modern, independent, sexy woman.

Embrace the hotness of the shortness!!!

The logo bag/shoe/whatever is my LEAST favorite trend that I see every single day. 

Unless you’re getting paid to be a billboard, you should never wear anything with huge logos all over it.

I’m talking to you, Little Miss “I think wearing my Coach purse with a million C’s all over it makes me look classy.”

News flash: it doesn’t.

You look desperate to let people know that you’re wearing a certain designer.

Fashion should never be a sign of desperation.

Classiness doesn not radiate from the logos of Prada or Louis Vuitton or Coach.

If you want to look classy, buying designer is fabulous, as long as you’re not announcing to the world, “HI I’M HERE AND MY BAG IS MADE BY XXX AND COST $XXXX PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE ACCEPT ME!!!”

Desperation is never in style, darlings.

Everyone knows of my unconditional love for Angelina Jolie.  She is an icon and always looks flawless.

Except for this.

The pearls just look so wrong on our girl.

Pearls and tats rarely, if ever, go well together.

The dress is hot and she looks beautiful as always, but the pearls strike a clashing dischord with the rest of her look.

You’re not a mumsy politician’s wife, my fashion-forward darling!  Please don’t repeat this dated 1950’s grandma look!

 Listen up.  Unless you fall into at least one of the following categories, you should never carry this bag:

(A) You are Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham

(B) You want to look like you’re carrying Cousin It’s decapitated head attached to a leather strap

(C) You love the “I killed a muppet to make my bag” look

The designers at Prada are secretly laughing at every woman they see who actually was stupid enough to fork over 3 grand for this heinous fringey mess.

The Fringe Fest is an annual event every August Edinburgh, Scotland. 

It shouldn’t be your handbag, too.

Ladies, take notes.  This is the right way to wear opaque tights.

The opaque tights are huge this fall.  If you’re going to attempt this tricky trend, you better do it right, or you’ll look like a goth weirdo.

When wearing opaque tights like the ones above, whether they’re black, brown, or whatever…you MUST wear a skirt or a dress that is a different color from your tights.

For example…no black opaque tights and black dress.  Unless you’re trying to look like Morticia.