Here’s Eva Longoria wearing a really expensive puke-orange silk rag.

It’s made by Armani Exchange…and the color is called “golden rod”…but still.  This color would not work on anyone!!!!

Nice Renee Caovilla heels, tho!

Here she is in a tacky one-shouldered grey mini-dress…which Jessica has paired with her favorite accessory–her nipples.

Don’t you have any sense of decency, Jess?

We already know you don’t have any sense of style!!!

We’re in love with Sandra Oh’s Bottega Veneta strapless gown paired with the lovely H. Stern diamond jewelry.

The only problem with this overall look?

Sandra Oh’s big ugly horse face!

We love Ellen Pompeo’s navy Michael Kors gown.

And we also love her Lambertson Truex clutch.

The Fred Leighton jewels are to die for.

The only problem?

TOO MANY ACCESSORIES, ELLEN!!!!

That dress is so striking.  It doesn’t need any accessories–the necklace and belt together are too distracting. 

Plus the elaborate up-do?  Too much goin’ on here!!!

Pick ONE!!!  Not all!!!

Portia De Rossi is a beautiful woman.

Her blue Azzaro gown is stunning with the diamond snake halter.

And we love her Lambertson Truex clutch!

But, Portia, darling…STAND UP STRAIGHT!!!

There’s no faster way to ruin a gorgeous gown than by SLOUCHING!!!

Li’l Mama’s VMA outfit looks almost as stupid as that song she sings, “Lip Gloss” sounds.

She’s got a cute face and body–why the Cabbage Patch look?

Poor choice.

Most things on Demi’s body are stretched out within an inch of their life: (her face, her skin, boobs, everything)

So, I guess it’s not so strange that she carried a clutch that’s also stretched out.

Angelina Jolie has purchased a matching Valentino purse for her daughter, Zahara.

What a terrible mother! This poor girl had to go an entire two years before her mom decided to fork over the cash for the purse!? Absurd!

I mentioned earlier how LiLo’s bracelet overdose makes her look like a camp counselor.

So, I thought I’d give everyone a visual of every parent’s worst nightmare (except Dina Lohan, maybe) of who is leading their young, impressionable daughters into the woods at summer camp.

Yikes.

Kim Stewart must be f-ing with me.

I write a piece about how red belts are over and corset belts are now what’s hot.

And what does she do?

She shows up at Il Sole in LA wearing a RED CORSET BELT. 

(photo from http://www.perezhilton.com/)