Here are both of Hayden’s Marc Bouwer gowns from the Emmys.

The short, cute one on the left is what she wore to the after-parties.

The huge billowing tent on the right is the tragic mistake she wore to the actual show.

Hayden, you’re 18.  Not 68.  The dress on the right would have been better on Helen Mirren.

Or maybe Christina Aguilera, since she’s a big ole preggers lady now!!!

We’re in love with Sandra Oh’s Bottega Veneta strapless gown paired with the lovely H. Stern diamond jewelry.

The only problem with this overall look?

Sandra Oh’s big ugly horse face!

We love Ellen Pompeo’s navy Michael Kors gown.

And we also love her Lambertson Truex clutch.

The Fred Leighton jewels are to die for.

The only problem?

TOO MANY ACCESSORIES, ELLEN!!!!

That dress is so striking.  It doesn’t need any accessories–the necklace and belt together are too distracting. 

Plus the elaborate up-do?  Too much goin’ on here!!!

Pick ONE!!!  Not all!!!

Portia De Rossi is a beautiful woman.

Her blue Azzaro gown is stunning with the diamond snake halter.

And we love her Lambertson Truex clutch!

But, Portia, darling…STAND UP STRAIGHT!!!

There’s no faster way to ruin a gorgeous gown than by SLOUCHING!!!

Eva Longoria’s dress wore a Franco Kaufman dazzling short dress to the Emmys last night.

Franco Kaufman designed Eva’s dress for her wedding reception.

I don’t know why, but I just don’t like this on Eva.

Makes her look too boxy.

Girlfriend needs to get a waist!!!

GET WAISTED!!!!! 

Jaime Pressly is a pretty girl, but you’d never know it.

Her Emmys look was truly blah.

Dress is frumpy and unflattering.

And the hair is very Princess Leah from starwars meets little old cleaning lady.

Try harder next time, Jaime!

Here’s America Ferrera wearing her Monique Lhullier gown at last night’s Emmy red carpet pre-show.

Blue and bulging?

Really?

Did she actually want me to make the Goodyear blimp comparison???

PS: I do like the Lorraine Schwarz chadelier earrings.  Maybe b/c your ears can’t look fat.

Angelina Jolie’s new Shiseido’s Integrate Mascara commercial: