Amy Winehouse made a surprise apperance at tonight’s Mercury Awards in London where she sang her new song “Love Is A Losing Game.”

You know… I never thought I would say this, but Winehouse actually looks better as a cracked out scratched up psycho (not to mention, easier to write about…) So what do you say Wino, how ’bout taking one for the team?

I don’t know what she is wearing, but it appears to be Gay Pride meets Rainbow Vomit. Yuck.

Shockingly, Paris Hilton makes yet another fashion gaffe.

Remember in high school when the unpopular, ugly girls (with great personalities–psssh!) would make t-shirts with pictures of the popular boys they liked and wore them underneath their clothes?

That’s what this reminds me of.

Paris Hilton is basically her only fan who would wear a t-shirt with her praying-mantis face plastered across it–unless you count the aforementioned unpopular, ugly high school girls who worship and mimic her every move.

That’s hot!

First, I’ll start out by being nice. I do actually like her sandals. As I said yesterday, I love the roman sandal look. I think Goldie was trying to carry the roman theme throughout her entire outfit. I think that she thinks she looks like a chic Roman noblewoman, elegantly draped in a toga. I’m all about trying out new looks. Maybe not the toga if you’re not going to a frat party…but props to her for the fashion courage.

I also commend Goldie Hawn for not trying to dress like a 20 year old by not baring too much (read: any) of her saggy old lady skin.

However, there are better ways to dress for your age than the above look.

Just because you’re a grandma now doesn’t mean you have to start wearing quilts you knitted!

Goldie, the next time you’re going out in public, get yourself a nice, structured Chanel jacket and maybe a tailored pencil skirt with opaque tights? That would look modern, sleek and appropriate.

This look reminds me why the Roman empire eventually toppled.

And why I forgot about Goldie Hawn after “Laugh In.”

Everyone knows of my unconditional love for Angelina Jolie.  She is an icon and always looks flawless.

Except for this.

The pearls just look so wrong on our girl.

Pearls and tats rarely, if ever, go well together.

The dress is hot and she looks beautiful as always, but the pearls strike a clashing dischord with the rest of her look.

You’re not a mumsy politician’s wife, my fashion-forward darling!  Please don’t repeat this dated 1950’s grandma look!

Agent Provocateur has some gorgeous new pieces.

Unfortunately, they chose the granny-faced transexual commonly referred to as Maggie “Haggie” Gyllenhaal as their spokesmodel.

This is exactly what it means when someone doesn’t wear the clothes, but the clothes wear them.

Maggie, doll, stick to small indie films where only the 5 weirdos who actually see the film have to bear the torture of looking at you. 

You’re no Dita Von Teese! 

It’s a real crying shame, because the lingerie is really fierce! 

This picture would look a lot better if there were a paper bag over Haggie’s face.

Listen, motherhood is not a fashion statement.  A baby is not an accessory. 

I need to have a little chat about the birds and the bees with little Miss Paris Hilton ASAP!

Paris Hilton told Elle UK that she wants to become a mother by next year.

…

Sorry, I blacked out for a second there.

Paris Hilton needs to understand that being a mother isn’t trendy–just because her bff Nicole Richie got knocked up with Joel Madden’s bastard love child doesn’t mean motherhood is “in” for the fall.

Whoever Paris selects for her baby’s sperm donor is going to need some super-strength little swimmers because I bet her insides are filled with acid. I’d imagine Paris Hilton’s hoo-hoo to be a very hostile environment by now.

What am I saying? She’s probably already got enough sperm inside of her to populate a small country.

Paris–you can’t just give a baby to Goodwill or sell it on eBay when you get bored with it.  You should stick to being a fashion victim–motherhood is not a trend!!! 

Beards, what are they good for? Absolutely nothing. Jack, please lose the beard. You look like someone has just thrown up on your face.

- B