Over the last few days, Angelina Jolie paid a visit to the United States troops in Iraq. Normally, after looking at the above picture, I would write a post about how funny/ugly celebrities are without makeup, but I can’t find it within myself to make fun of a celebrity paying homage to our troops, while a great majority of her co-workers get off on poking fun at the war without realizing that people are risking their lives.

Ashton Kutcher, fashionista? Well, Harper’s Bazaar may think so, as the magazine has given Kutcher the opportunity to write an advice article for couples who and their dressing struggles. Here are some blurbs from it:

On a man’s place in relation to a woman

“Your man should not upstage you. He’s there to highlight you.”

On complementing your man

“Guys don’t like to be told they look nice, pretty, or cute or that they clean up well. We want to feel dirty, rugged, and, most important, that you feel safe when you are in our company. So when your guy finally tries on something that you like, tell him that he looks like James Bond or Tony Montana”

On men’s importance in relation to clothes

“When it comes to getting dressed, men are a little bit more important than handbags but less important than shoes. At any rate, we are merely accessories.”

Look, I’m not a doctor. I do, however, practice non-licensed, amateur gynecology behind a Chinese buffet next to the freeway. It’s something of a hobby. Anyway, after reading his article, my experience qualifies me to make the following statement: Ashton Kutcher has a vagina. A giant, man-hating vagina that threatens our very existence. When it’s not too busy picking out handbags.

Ashton, you write like my 9 year old sister, if not worse. Please stick with mesh hats and pretending to be funny.

Thank you Beth Ditto for making it easier for all the bulimics in Hollywood to keep the weight off today.

Here’s the new commercial you have probably been hearing about:

Baldness: a decent look on me. A terrible look on females.

I put this post in the ‘hair’ category, but I’m thinking I need a ‘hair or lack thereof’ category with the trend of bald ladies in Hollywood.

There’s nothing more popular in the world of fashion than a wardrobe malfunction!

Here’s an awesomely terrible fashion trend for you, blue star sunglasses. I am assuming that while this photo was taking on a Saturday afternoon stroll through Central Park in NYC, Brat Pitt was out humping a normal beautiful blonde woman. Jolie creeps me out.

Kirsten-

We are all very sorry you got robbed, but why on Earth do you look like this? It looks like someone beat you with an ugly stick, turned you into a man, and left you in a cave for two years. Please bring the old Kirsten back…

Best regards,

Everyone